Thoughts of Change

*This first item is more of a hope because I am not much of a green thumb. So, I have set a goal. I have a big flower pot I always try to make big, beautiful and flowing but it never happens. This is the year! and the picture above shows what my pot is going to look like even if it kills me.

*My first thought of change isn't necessarily pinpointed to one little thing, but in general. I actually started to make this change last summer. I am finding it to be so much more important to spend quality time with my family and friends then to have a perfectly straight house and to always have my "to do list" done. If you've known me a long time, you know that just by me saying that it's a huge step.

*I have also decided (and kind of did awhile back) that raising my kids "by the book" can kiss it. Who's to say there is one right way to raise your kids? And who is one parent to judge how another parent is raising their kids? As long as your children are loved, well taken care of and are happy, you're probably raising your kids the "right way." There are things that work for one family that may not work for another. And one thing that worked for the first child, may not with the second. So if anyone cares that Weston still takes a bottle in the middle of the night, or thinks I'm horrible for letting Warren have a binki until he was three and a half, or shivers at the thought of me still rocking my babies to sleep, or laying in bed with Warren at night they can take a hike. (I'm obviously a little grumpy today)

*I am overcome lately with the feeling and need to spend quality time with my little family while I still can. You never know when time will be cut short. So I vow to leave dishes in the sink more often, step over toys a little more, and I am going to sit on my porch and eat popsicles and blow bubbles with my kids more often. I am going to rock them to sleep if they want (even though I've heard that's not the right thing to do). I'm going play with them more. I am going to teach them more. I will read to them more. I will craft and color with them more. And I am going to love them more (if that's possible).

*As for being a spouse I really need to make some changes to be a better wife. I have found that Andrew is much the same when it comes to what he really needs. No, he's not childish, but he would much rather have me leave the laundry in the basket and go play golf. Or stay up late to watch a movie instead of going to bed early so I can be rested for my run the next morning. Quality time while we still can is the most important thing. Andrew is such an incredible man and I need to be a better wife for him.

*Here's a big change (even though it probably won't happen all of the time)..... We have a super strict "NO KIDS SLEEPING IN OUR BED" policy at our house. They can watch TV, but they don't get to sleep with us. Well, look who was there this morning. And the world went on just the same today. But my little Westi got to nuggle mommy and daddy in the wee hours of the morning. I don't know if he didn't feel well, or if he was scared, but he did NOT want to sleep in his crib. He was so happy wrapped up in daddy's blanket and snuggling in our big comfy bed. Note: I still don't allow toys in my room. I need to take baby steps with this whole "the new, relaxed Annie" stuff. Selfish as it may be, it's still mine and Andrew's room and we like to keep in neat, clean and relaxing. It's one of the only rooms in the house that actually feels like OURS.

*I need to spend more time with my sisters. In the end, they will be the ones there for me. And since we share blood, they aleays have to love me. It's a rule.

*I need to love on my nieces and nephews more. I got to tend this fatso on Friday. Love him.

*Another "Change" I've made...... We are still up in the air about having another baby or not. Our little family of 4 seems to be a great size. But I also have a feeling we aren't quite complete. It's so scary. What a HUGE decision. What if it isn't healthy? Can we afford it? One of my biggest concerns is "what if it's a girl?" I'm scared to death of getting a girl. Then I see pictures like this and I soften up to it a little bit.

This seems like a random post I know. Where has it all come from? Am I dying? NO, although you never know when your last day will be. But, there are 3 things that have made me change a bit over the past couple of years.

1. One of my co-workers who has been a friend for a really long time, and I know his family really well, his dad was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in February. We were in Florida at the PGA Merchandise show when Devin got the news. I was SO GLAD his wife was with him when he heard his dad had 4-5 months to live. His dad had been in the office just a few days before we left for Florida. He looked healthy and seemed ok. Then just like that, the news comes in that his days were numbered. It has been really hard on all of us.

2. Last summer, a family in our ward lost a child. I didn't know them very well at the time, and we are still getting to know each other but I honestly think seeing them go through that trial has changed my life. They are such a sweet family. Seeing the pain it caused, and not being able to do anything about it tears me up inside. I think about them almost every single day. When I look at my babies, I want to squeeze them a little tighter and kiss them a few more times and thank the good Lord that I have them on this earth with me.

3. Almost 2 years ago, a girl I knew back in high school was on a bike ride when she was hit by a car and killed. She had the perfect life. The big fancy house, the most beautiful children, the handsome and successful husband, and she was one of the most beautiful people. Then one day, she wakes up to go for a bike ride, not knowing it would be the last time she'd see her husband and children. She never made it home. The thought of that makes me sick to my stomach. It makes me want to hug and kiss all three of my boys extra tight any time I go somewhere, or they go somewhere without me I just want to tell them how much I love them.

There are times we get caught in the daily drills of life. Raising kids is not easy. With two young children there are things we just don't get to do as often and sometimes it causes us to become complacent. Eating in a restaurant is such a rare thing, sitting at the pool and reading a magazine isn't going to happen for a few more years, dropping everything and playing golf 4 times a week will be put off for awhile. Going to a movie every weekend will have to wait awhile.

One of the neatest things I've heard in a long time came from one of my dearest friends. She said "this is a special season of our lives and we need to enjoy it." When she said that it stuck with me and I think about it all of the time. I'm so grateful for this season and for all of the blessings I have been given and I am going to take this opportunity to enjoy all of those blessings.

“Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow…for babies grow up…we’ve learned to our sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs… dust go to sleep I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.”